Setting the boundaries of Generosity; Pros and Cons of Helping Others: Learn about Social Parasites    Are you thinking to help others so that you be helped when you need it too? To your surprise, it's a No, at least "not always", Here is why? We need to be extra cautious while helping others. It requires a sense of emotional intelligence and smartness to identify…


Setting the boundaries of Generosity; Pros and Cons of Helping Others

 

Learn about Social Parasites 

 

Are you thinking to help others, so that you be helped when you need it too?

To your surprise,

it’s a No, at least “not always”,

Here is why?

We need to be extra cautious while helping others. It requires a sense of emotional intelligence and smartness to identify the “Social Parasites”. A Social parasite is not only taking advantage of other people through financial, emotional, or moral aid but also unfairly hindering the people who need nurturance and support for their genuine growth. As a result of it, the segment of society that can be uplifted remains at the lower profile. Through their agility to gain profits from others, they can manipulate people for their gains.

Scam of Life

We always teach our children to help those in need. Altruism and empathy are the top human values. However, in my opinion, if you do not maintain your proper boundaries, helping others can be one of the biggest scams of your life. You might end up start thinking, why did I even try to help that guy in the first place? The reason is people do not help for the reason of taking complete responsibility. We want to help them, just to ease a bit of another person’s difficulty. It is hard to depend on others completely.

On the other hand, the person in need thinks that he deserves to be taken care of by other people. He expects that others will not only take the responsibility to help him out and sort out his difficulties but will also contribute to doing so in the future as well.

There starts a difference of opinion, now the person who helped, thinks that he has initiated the trouble all by himself, and the needy one is looking for help, more help, and extra help.

Set Boundaries

One solution to all this trouble is to have well-established boundaries. When you first made a conversation with someone in need and decided to help, explain to them that you can do certain favors for them. We also need to explain how much, and how long we will continue these favors in the future and under what conditions. What else we cannot do for them? If we come across this simple yet solid boundary, we will be at a much safer end.

Identify who needs the help and what is needed

We tend to help those who ask for it, especially because there might be professional Beggars, they can be manipulative families, that are masking themselves as poor and trying to gain benefits from others. We usually fail in finding real people who need actual help. A person with self-esteem will never ask for financial or emotional support. There are different personality types and people.  Not everyone is looking for money. Some only need good advice, and some want you as social support. In the end, we should groom people so that they can stand up on their feet and be productive members of society. 

Parasites versus deserving

We need more productive, growing, progressive people instead of parasites who are taking money from others and taking advantage of others. 

A good nation cannot be established based on alms. A system made of justice and equal rights is necessary for the growth of society. Economic instability and uncertainty lead people to find shortcuts and easy money. In countries like the UAE, begging is officially a crime, we should not promote asking for help as a norm of society. Identification of truly deserving people is a crucial step that we neglect. Help others, but we have a sense that we need to identify the real ones and the path through which we can help them.

Capacity Building 

Human capital is considered one of the most valuable assets in society. All developed countries work on improving people’s lives through improved interventions of human capita. It means identifying what people can do and knowing their resources. What type of skills they have, and what sort of support they can manage for themselves. We can make a plan for them, how they can properly utilize these available resources and become earning members of society. Instead of asking for help now, they are the Helping hands of society. Capacity building is an integral part of this respect.

Every area has some sort of resources, it includes their water, soil, natural resources, livestock, industry, education, tourism, etc. The expert opinion or the government can devise policies that how we can make these resources more productive for the people.

in the same way, if we try to counsel people and educate them through guidance and envision them with new ways of looking at their capabilities, it will be a bigger help than simply giving them some survival food. 

Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلمonce asked a Beggar who came for some alms, to bring all his belongings in his presence. When the beggar returned with his belongings. Prophet Muhammad then asked who will buy this, it was sold in two dinars at that time. Prophet Muhammad asked the beggar to bring an axe and a handle with the money. When the beggar brought all these things. Prophet Muhammad fixed an axe with his hands and said to him, go and collect wood, and sell it in the market, soon after this incident, the beggar started earning money and became prosperous. In this incident, we come to know that Islam never supports begging for money. Islam does not teach us to surrender to the flow of circumstances. The real teaching of Islam complies us to work hard, earn our faith, decide our destiny and strive for it. 

The passive lifestyle, accepting misery and trauma is never a solution. Our deen explains to us how to say upright and surrender only to Allah’s commands. 

Instead of feeding parasites of society, improve human capital as a long-term solution.

 

Generosity, compassion versus Capacity building in Islam

Once Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلمsaid to his wife Ayisha: “0 ‘A’ishah! Never turn away any needy man from your door empty-handed. 0 ‘A’ishah! Love the poor; bring them near to you and God will bring you near to Him on the Day of Resurrection”.

Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم also went much further on to say: “Seek me among your weak ones, for you are given provision, or you are given help only because of the presence of your weak ones”. (Rahman, Encyclopaedia of Seerah, VOL. VIII, p. 151) God Almighty is Kind, and the Prophet imitated Allah’s example in its perfection by showing kindness to his servants and all creatures without any regard for their beliefs, color, or nationality. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلمsaid: “God is kind and likes kindness in all things” (Bukhari, 6601).

Prophet Muhammadصلى الله عليه وسلم taught to love, kindness, and compassion to his people, and was seen to be the most loving, kind, and compassionate of all of them. The Quran mentions his kind and gentle behavior in these words: “O Messenger of Allah! It is a great Mercy of God that you are gentle and kind towards them; for, had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would all have broken away from you” (Quran 3:159).

Many instances show his kindness and gentleness, especially to the weak and the poor. Anas, who was his helper, said: “I served Allah’s Messenger for ten years and he never said to me, ‘Shame’ or ‘Why did you do such-and-such a thing?’ or ‘Why did you not do such-and-such a thing?'” (Bukhari, 2038).

Conclusion

Education and envision are indeed the big assets not on an individual level but as a society at large. A good society builds strong pillars using its human capital through cthe apacity building rather than making policies that serve parasites in society.

 

We usually fail in finding real people who need actual help.

 

 

 

Key Points

  • what are social parasites 
  • how to maintain boundaries against these social parasites 
  • improve interpersonal skills by using smart emotional intelligence
  • identify people that genuinely need help 
  • prepare people by capacity building 

 

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