Start Comparing Yourself with Other People: Vicarious Reinforcement
When anyone starts talking about positive thinking and self-development, one of the very first things he will tell is “stop comparing yourself with others”. We all have different struggles, and we are made differently, our circumstances, resources, and solutions are not the same, so we need to stop comparing ourselves with others. As a psychologist and a brainstormer, I have come across this sudden surprise that this myth is wrong.
We need a comparison to know where we are standing. Start comparing yourself. Without any yardstick, you will never know where you fall. If you are making some progress or hindering on your way. Without any comparison, we are in a blind alley knowing nothing about ourselves. The navigation of life can continue only if we know the real dimensions of ourselves and our life and the areas that we are focusing to improve.
logically speaking, if you ask how this idea came to my mind, and how I concluded that it’s a common mistake by positive psychologists. If we study research methods or if we know something about how research is conducted, we will know that there is always a comparison group to which treatment groups are compared for finding results. This compassion group provides a yardstick to our research, and it is a crucial step in setting research that we have a comparison for a better understanding.
In physics, we use SI i.e., Standard International Units, for all physical quantities. These units are the standards to which we compare the weight, mass, volume etc. So again, a comparison standard group is essential for your understanding that what is actual measurement. The idea of the standard is quite common in all different branches.
If we talk about psychological issues, we come to know that psychological tests in a sophisticated way pass through different stages which include objectivity and standardization. Standardization involves that we introduce norms for a group. When we make a psychological test, we need to maintain certain characteristics such as objectivity, standardization, reliability and validity.
An important step of Standardization is drawing “Norms “. Norms are the normal behaviour that is set as a standard according to a certain age group, gender, or ethnicity. Let me explain to you in simple words, I want to check your ” Anger”. Now I administer a psychological test that covers questions related to temperament. After that I make an aggregate raw score, I need to know basically, how much on this test a normal male of 34 years weighs. How angry they are? how angry do normal adult males range? once I know this normal behaviour according to your age, gender etc, I will come to know, how angry you are. How angry You are in terms of normal people of your gender, age, and ethnic background? I will describe your results as angrier than normal males of your age, or as less angry than the normal males. This is how all good psychological tests work. Psychological observations are usually based on abstract nouns like we tend to measure personality, anger, frustration, anxiety, happiness, and sadness. These are all abstract, we need to operationalize and further need a normal range of behaviour, then we compare the performances of individuals with the average behaviour of their relevant group.
In simple words, without a normal, comparison group we can never tell if you hold a sad, happy, or angry temperament or not, as we do not have a yardstick to compare a standard temperament.
Do You Need to Compare Yourself with Your Past?
Here is another point that we can set our comparison with ourselves. How we were in the past and how much we see an improvement within ourselves now. Well, it is a good idea, to remain contented and feel satisfied, but this idea is not sufficient in the end.
When we only compare ourselves with ourselves. we fell into a pit of self-rehearsal. we are churning the same formula for our growth and progress that is coming innately to us. Our progress will halt at a point, as we will be tired of comparing ourselves to ourselves. If you ponder for a while, you can learn the absurdity of this idea. We do not live in woods, and we cannot utterly train our brains to look inside always. We take influence from others; we are connected with the outside world. Whatever is going out of our bodies we react and respond to it.
Instead of only reflecting on our past, it will be more helpful, to observe others that you think you can be envious, how others fell and rise, and how your resources and potentials are comparable with theirs. It will give you immense energy that you are not locked in with your problems alone, there are people in the world that have similar problems like yours and they have navigated their way to get out of it. You can learn from their mistakes and take aspirations from others. This type of observation to comparison is called ” vicarious Reinforcement”. Research has firmly concluded that vicarious reinforcement is one of the strongest components to shape our personality. The human mind is better at learning by vicarious behaviours. It means that we do not need to make mistakes and learn by trial and error. We are more attuned to observing others. It not only cut down our burning of energy and time but is a smarter move to look forward in life.
We can say that it is not a matter of comparison if you do it with others or yourself or your past. It is more a matter of attention, focus and concentration. What type of outer stimuli we are attracted to, we can choose what we want to learn and give importance to. You can attend to what someone made content with his life, how compassionate he is, and life priorities that are set by a generous person. It is not the comparison with others, that is making you unhappy. It is related to what people you choose as your models, and what type of people you have selected for vicarious learning. What type of standards you have set for people as your yardstick? Once you know your true comparison group, you will better understand where you fall in your traits and characteristics and how to make progress and get better at things you set as your priority.
Choose people wisely as your models. You alone cannot model up yourself, without a standard comparison.
Citations
- https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjyitOG2Yn6AhUQNxoKHRIzCqMQFnoECAMQAw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fsk.sagepub.com%2Freference%2Feducationalpsychology%2Fn276.xml%23%3A~%3Atext%3DVicarious%2520reinforcement%2520occurs%2520when%2520(a%2Cbehaves%2520as%2520the%2520model%2520did.&usg=AOvVaw3Y_tuME0g3mRXsuGX-EdLJ
- https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAQQw7AJahcKEwjIvrnc24n6AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.apa.org%2Fvicarious-reinforcement&psig=AOvVaw0TpO-2uHWjHdgVf4KmuzcD&ust=1662881830315809
- https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAMQw7AJahcKEwjIvrnc24n6AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQBg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplypsychology.org%2Fbandura.html&psig=AOvVaw0TpO-2uHWjHdgVf4KmuzcD&ust=1662881830315809
- https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=0CAMQw7AJahcKEwjAu52L3In6AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.britannica.com%2Fscience%2Fobservational-learning&psig=AOvVaw3LxOW36sosMu3dGq-Cs-N3&ust=1662881932913824
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